Hey, second entry. I'm getting more used to this website, despite how shitty all ths coding stuff is. Behind the scenes, everything on this site is held together by a thread. It's 5pm right now; writing very early for once, so there might be an update on this entry if anything else happens today- but I doubt it. Warning for eating disorder-y stuff.
Today I woke up, like, mega early. We haven't gone food shopping in forever so my lazy ass breakfast was chocolate waffles, but the biggest mistake was checking the calories. I totally spiralled. The last few months i've been super good ngl, like in terms of recovery and whatever. This week my boyfriend wrapped my hands around my waist and put his head on my shoulder and was like 'i'm so proud of you for recovering'. I just feel like a disappointment now. I took a walk to try burn any calories, but the walk ended up being a dissociation disaster. 4 whole hours in that shitstorm that's going on right now. I feel like the world is mocking me. I walked past a whole bag, like shopping bag, of vapes, on the groud. Obviously, I didn't go for it 'cause that's too damn good to be true, but it's like the universes temptations. Fuck. Why is it so hard. And who the fuck leaves a mountain of vapes on the ground.
On my walk I was going to the thrift and I saw this fucking AWESOME person, dressed to shit in all this punk shit. I hate walking by people that are the shit when i'm dressed like trash. I'd consider myself punk but i'm rarely bothered to dress the part, so I just look like some random dude that hates cops an above-average amount. But yeah, they had like super cool blue hair, and this sick battle jacket, i'd love to make myself one sometime. Yeah, you know what, that's my midterm plan. Also studying. I swear i'm at least a little responsible. I'm determined to do at least a little well on these mocks, which is a lot from me.
Do you think all our journal entries at the end of the world are going to be artifacts somehow? will someone find this after a long time and wonder, what ever happened to Seven? Maybe not. If we all die, or whatever. I refuse to be fatalistsic, though. It doesn't have to be that way. My pizza is cool enough! Time for binging breaking bad! Maybe more alcohol. I'm just not assed to be super philosophical, sorry, maybe later. I have the house to myself right now and I don't want to use this time to be miserable, soz.