home index septembers playlist
i cut my hair short, again. i look like.. rose lalonde. homestuck references. my hairdresser is the funniest. says her fashion icon is cruella. also called me sexy?? LOL idk shana tova!
where did august go? maybe i'm glad it's gone, i feel guilty for not writing during it. but it was an odd month. life felt slow, kinda still does.
it's emmas birthday! whole elaborate scheme, we had to get ayse to text E's mom to get her in on it. we surprised them by meeting them at the mall in town and bringing them to build a bear. emma was lowk embarrassed (not in like an asshole way but. yk) that we brought them to build a bear for their 15th birthday that we lied to the staff, told her that emma was 13 turning 14. worker totally didn't believe us, cus that's one tall ass 14 year old. we made a toothless plushie. called it named shakabrah. LMFAO.
we just walked around the mall, there was a cool comic shop-- i want to go back to alone so i can buy stuff. comic stores are the best environment on the planet fr. the workers are always the coolest ever. i want to buy the new harley quinn comics, where she's like, gay. me too girl.
what else.. i need to buy new clothes. stat.
school is going alright. i'm still sort of an antisocial freak BUT! i have a friends in every class. there's a really cool person in my art class i want to be friends with, andy. we have mutual friends, we're in the same groupchats, but never talked lol. they have a cool mothman patch on their denim jacket. they look like the protagonist of a sci fi teen drama. when my boyfriend gets out of hospital, very soon, we're going to go to a graveyard. fun first date.
not much to say. school was fun. i passed a lot of notes and didn't get caught once.
mood swings are so unbearable. this morning i almost cried in tutor (nobody saw, thank god) because i was dead set on killing myself around the time i'm writing this. at lunch, i felt the happiest i've ever been, in english, i hated ayse with every bone in my body, and now i think i'm in love with ayse. right now i don't feel anything. am i going insane. help. i've spent all afternoon laughing at met gala outfits. the met gala isn't allowed to do a horror theme until i'm famous, i'll be so pissed awf. later, i'm either going to buy cute clothes or a taxidermy skull. my two favourite things. etsy shipping is too expensive. i need a job. i have a job coming up HOPEFULLY. painting a mural in the school down my road. so fun. but for now i'd like to rot in my bed.
today when i was leaving school, andy came up to me and aoife at the gate. and we TALKED. and i said bye and they said BYE BACK. which is like common courtesy but IDGAF. i'm going to take it as they-are-in-love-with-me. school sucked though, i got a 70% in my exam i feel so embarrassed. i'm going to go asleep for ever now.
thinking about getting therapy, again. not to be one of those "therapy doesnt work on me" people but if i get a new one am about to be going on my 4th therapist in 2 years and i feel like a divorced single father.
today i walked to school with this rando kelly, and walked home with omar. i live the opposite direction of like everyone else at school so it was nice to not be walking alone haha
today i did NOTHING and it felt fucking sick. neglected all my schoolwork, ordered junk food, woke up at 2pm, played video games and got a million bruises from dancing in my room like a maniac. did my hair all nice after a shower but from the dancing i look like edward scissorhands. later tonight i'll probably get tipsy, i'm not daydrinking. i'm totally gonna feel all this tomorrow when my assignments pile up, but rn idgaf.
gawddd my only hobby is talking to my friends and when they're stuck in that ward (SCHOOL) all day and i'm at home i wanna step on glass. when they text me after school i do a little hop skip and jump around my room like maybe i'm just the most dependant mfer ever idk?? ayse sneaks her phone to text me and it makes me happy lol. i maybe definitely totally have a crush on her. handing in my lesbian card i think im just unlabeled for now but like at the same time no but also like yeah tbh UGH!! what am i meant to do. my mom told me not to care about labels (WHICH BTW AUTHORS NOTE: MY MOM??? i thought her ass was homophobic for like my whole life)